How to Choose a Divorce Attorney

How to Choose a Divorce Attorney with Heather Tessmer

Navigating a divorce is never easy, but choosing the right attorney can make all the difference. In this episode, we break down the key factors to consider when selecting legal representation based on your unique situation.

From simple, uncontested divorces to high-conflict battles, we discuss:

• When a DIY divorce might work—and when it won’t
• The pros and cons of collaborative divorce
• Red flags to watch for when researching attorneys online
• The credentials that actually matter—board certification, peer recognition, and more
• The must-ask questions during an initial consultation

Whether you’re just starting the process or feeling overwhelmed by your options, this episode will help you make an informed decision. Tune in now!

Resources:

• DIY Divorce www.txcourts.gov
• Collaborative divorce www.collaborativedivorcetexas.com
• State Bar of Texas www.Texasbar.com
• American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers  www.aaml.org
• International Academy of Family Lawyers www.iafl.com
• Family Law board certified in Texas www.tbls.org

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

You are listening to the Ever Argue with a Woman podcast, and I am Heather Tesmer. So this is Heather Tesmer, and we are back. It's been a while since we've done a podcast, and I want to say it was maybe the beginning of COVID, and was the last podcast that we actually published or broadcast. And so we're back. And one of the things that a lot of people have been asking me about is how do you pick the right divorce attorney? And that you know that's a really good question, and it's really difficult to answer. So I'm gonna give you a few tips. And the first thing that I want to say is take a look at your situation. So if you happen to be a young, short marriage with very few accumulated assets and no children, then I would suggest that maybe you give one of the younger, uh less experienced attorneys a try. They'll typically be less expensive. And hopefully your divorce should be quick and easy and there shouldn't be much to argue about. And I want to say some of you more adventurous types might even try doing it yourself. Not many divorce attorneys would tell you that, but if you go on to the website, it's www.txcourts.gov. There are actually forms there that you can do yourself. I have to tell you though, in Bear County, you have to get your order passed by a staff attorney before you can go in front of the judge to get your final order. And sometimes that can take months. So just beware of that. Um and the other thing is you know, you don't you don't know what you don't know. So if you have any issues that are more than I'm taking my stuff and he's taking his, I really suggest that you talk to an attorney. So let's say you get along with your partner, but you just can't stay married to them anymore, but you do have assets or children, and you or maybe you've accumulated some retirement. Well, if you can get along with each other, then I would suggest looking for a collaborative attorney. And with collaboratives, you uh both hire somebody who's been trained to do it, and you both promise that you will not go to court. And so sometimes that's easier, it's a much more pleasant way to get divorced if there is such a thing. And I want to give you that website, it's uh www.collaborative divorce texas.com, and you can actually find the list of trained attorneys on that website, and you can search by county or by town. Um but let's say that your partner is controlling, abusive, manipulative, or just a natural-born asshole. Well, what do you do then? Well, the rest of this information is gonna be for you. So I think most people would start with Google. But what do you Google? But the the best divorce attorney near me? Well, you're gonna get some paid sponsored ads that are gonna pop up, and chances are they are not gonna be the best attorneys. So I I always say go ahead and Google to get an idea of what's out there, but always be skeptical. Um, all attorneys are gonna say they're the best or think they're the best. Be very aware that online reviews on paid websites, well, the reviews might just be paid for as well. Try to get an idea of what's out there, but some of the very best attorneys around you you won't even be able to find online. You need to find other ways to figure out who they are. It's hard to differentiate the different levels of attorneys that are out there. And there are a lot of really great attorneys who haven't taken those steps or have gained the recognition by the advanced organizations, so it's hard to differentiate between them if they don't have those accolades. So you definitely need to research their experience and their expertise. And here are some places to start. And the very first place is the State Bar of Texas. And they really don't give you a whole lot of information about attorneys on that website, but you can certainly see when they pass the bar. So if you look up some, let's say you Google uh best divorney in San Antonio, and somebody pops up and you go, Oh, they look pretty good. Well, then you go to the state bar and realize they got barred two years ago. Well, maybe they're not going to be as experienced as you need them to be. The state bar of Texas will also tell you if there have been any disciplinary issues. That's actually unusual that you would see that on uh somebody's state bar website because it is actually unusual to be have a grievance against you for something that would go on there. So don't be surprised if you don't find anything other than when they pass the bar. If you really need the best of the best, you need to go to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. These are the attorneys who have taken extra testing. They've had to prove that they've been practicing as a family lawyer for a certain number of years. And to be a member of this organization, the peers that they work with have to vote them in. So the people that they've been up against have to say, wow, she's good enough, and we want her in this organization. And so then you become a fellow of the American Academy. These attorneys are really passionate about matrimonial law. They don't even like it when you call it family law. And most of us commit to going to the conference every year in Chicago, so it is kind of a big deal. We we typically are learning about more advanced issues, and it's a really great organization, and those attorneys are fabulous. That website is www.aml.org, and you can actually look up by state, by county, um, by name. So if you are gonna have a very difficult divorce or you have a lot of assets, uh that's the place I would suggest you go. Now, what if you have international issues, especially with what's going on right now with uh immigration and uh deportation? What happens if your wife decides to take the kids and go to Mexico? You're gonna need an international family lawyer, and there's actually an academy for them as well, and it's called the International Academy of Family Lawyers, and you can find the people who have gone through the necessary requirements to be a fellow of that organization by going to www.iafl.com. And these are people who have dealt with enough international family law issues to be able to become accredited and become a fellow with this organization. So in Texas, we have the ability to become board certified, and only 2% of Texas lawyers actually go through the testing that allows you to call yourself a board certified attorney. Only 900 are family lawyers. So throughout the entire state of Texas, there aren't really very many that are board certified. And to become board certified, you actually have to take another exam that is very similar to the bar exam, only it only deals with family law issues. It's a difficult uh test to take, and I knew I was only going to do it once, and so it it is not, I it's not fun. So uh that's why many, many people do not do it, and they're still very good lawyers, but they just don't want to go through the agony of taking that test. You also have to have practice for a certain number of years, you also have to have a certain percentage of your practice is devoted to family law to become part of this group. And if you want to look to see if you are looking at a board certified attorney, well, most of us plaster it all over our websites, but it's www.tbls.org if you want to look them up. And then in Texas, we also have the Texas Academy of Family Law Specialists, and these are typically the board certified attorneys who belong to that academy. And that one is at tafls.org. And while we we do not limit members to being board certified, that's pretty much what it ends up being. Okay, so now I want to talk to you a little bit more about this collaborative divorce process. To call yourself a collaborative attorney, you normally have to go through training, and it's about a week long, and you have to retrain yourself from being the bulldog litigator to actually being nice, and we have to talk to each other and not the judge, and so it's sometimes it's difficult to retrain your brain and um get used to the idea that we all collaborate and we all talk to each other and we put everybody on a group email, uh the other attorney, the other party, uh everybody. So it's it's a little unusual. But if you guys get along and there aren't any abuse allegations, then this can sometimes be the best way to get divorced. It's not always cheaper, but it's it's really um it's a nicer way to untie the knot. So the website for this is Collaborative Divorce Texas.com, and it has attorneys that are credentialed, and then there are also attorneys on there that are master credentialed. Credentialed is that you have gone through the training, and then you have to go to the conferences, so many of them, to keep your credential, and then to be master credentialed, you have to have done 50 collaborative cases within the last few years. I can't remember exactly how much it is. But to do collaborative, you and your spouse have to sign an agreement saying that you will not go to court, and then you typically would will hire a financial professional that typically is a CPA. You will hire a mental health professional who um will talk to you a lot about the kid issues, um, will often help you get your possession schedules in place, and then also they tend to be the moderator because with mediation and with the group sessions with this, we are all going to be in the same room. Which, if we do a mediation when we're litigating, we are not. We typically do not even see the other side, we do not see the other attorney. So, with this, we tend to be more together and having these neutral parties, they don't work for either side, they tend to keep us flowing, I guess. So we're not fighting. If anything flares up, the the counselor is there to help us work through it. It's a great process. It does work best with couples that can still talk to each other and they are not interested in destroying each other. That's a very important part, and you also have to be fair. And one of the things is you have to be honest, so you have to be ready to disclose everything. You can't hide stuff, you're not supposed to hide stuff anyway, even if you're litigating. If the collaborative process breaks down, you will be penalized because if you decide you do want to go to court, then you both have to fire your attorneys and your professionals, and you have to hire all new professionals, and that sucks. So that is kind of what keeps you in the process, and it's not going to be fun to have to re-hire new attorneys. Another place that you can look for attorneys is the local bar associations. So, like San Antonio Bar Association has um many different sections, and one of them is the family bar section. And then also we have another family bar section that is broken apart. So we have two in San Antonio, then both of them are there. Both of them have a website, and both of them you can look through the membership at the different attorneys that are available there. Okay, so those are the professional areas that you can look at for the attorneys. But how do you trust attorneys? Right? So maybe you need to ask around. So, do you know any attorneys? Even if they aren't family law attorneys, they might know or have heard about um good family attorneys, and or they know who to ask who's a good family law attorney. Are you seeing a therapist? They usually know some of the good family law attorneys or a marriage counselor, they will often know a good family attorney as well. And then your friends are gonna have uh some strong opinions about divorce lawyers if they've been through a divorce. So I would listen every day of the week to what they have to say, but again, I would take some of that with a grain of salt because they there's all kinds of reasons why they might be salty about uh their attorney that they used or the attorney that was on the other side. And this is a question I get a lot on the social media moms groups when they're asking about how do I find a good family law attorney. So some of the responses that I see are kind of scary. So that's why I wanted to do this and share my thoughts on it. I do suggest that you pick a few attorneys, go to their websites, look at the reviews, look at her resume. Um, I I strongly believe that a good attorney has good support staff. So I would definitely look to see that she's got people there that are helping her. And also, I think you need to just see if if you get a good vibe from the website. I do like the idea of talking to several attorneys. Uh you're you're there fighting for your life. So find an attorney that you trust and that you can talk to. You do need to pay attention to the small stuff. When you called, how did they answer the phone? Did you have to leave a message? How long did it take them to call you back? How responsive are they? Were you able to get a quick turnaround for an appointment? But do you really need to call all of the good family law attorneys in your town? No. Because you know, as a as a family law attorney, I would much rather work with another good family law attorney. And if you can flick them all out, then I'm gonna end up working with a shitty family law attorney. And that is much worse, and it's gonna cost you way more money if they don't know what they're doing. So when you talk to these attorneys, be ready to ask questions. How do they run the cases? How do they communicate with the clients? What kind of programs are they using? What are their billing practices? And how much help do they have? Are you assigned to a paralegal who's gonna be able to talk to you as well? Do they take a team effort on their files? There are some questions that the attorneys can't answer, like how long is this gonna take? How much is this gonna cost? Are you a bulldog? So I know this is a lot of information, and it's very difficult to decide. And sometimes it comes down to your husband was in the military and retired. Well, so was mine. And sometimes that connection is all that it takes to find that you want to work with us, and so sometimes by looking at the articles that are online and finding out these tidbits of information, you're gonna find that you're the most comfortable with a particular attorney. So pick your attorney, pay the retainer, and get to work. And if you find that things are important to you but they aren't working, well, be sure to give feedback. And if it's still not clicking, maybe it's time to start looking for another attorney and start the process again. I hope this is helpful. Good luck in finding the best attorney for your situation. Thanks for joining us, and we'll see you next time.