Green Flags in a Relationship

Tired of focusing on red flags? This episode flips the script to spotlight the green flags that signal a healthy, thriving relationship. From chemistry and honest communication to mutual respect and emotional safety, Heather Tessmer explores what makes a partnership truly worth investing in. Learn how to spot signs like feeling free to be yourself, resolving conflict with care, and bringing out the best in each other. Tune in and subscribe for more insights about creating healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Transcript

Chemical Attraction and Communication

Heather Tessmer 0:04

You are listening to the Ever Argue With A Woman podcast and I am Heather Tesmer. Hi everybody, this is Heather Tesmer again, and we are going to talk about something that I hope is a little more positive than the podcast that we did a few years ago, which was about red flags in a relationship. Well, I want to talk about some green flags in a relationship. I really like to be more positive than negative in most things that I do in my life, so we thought we would talk about some of the things that might show that you're in a good, mature, growing, positive relationship. So I think for a good relationship, you first have to have a good. I don't know what to call it, but it's like a chemical attraction, and once you have that, then you can build on other things. But I really feel like without that first little bit of magic, it's a little bit harder to have that long lasting marital type relationship. So once you feel that chemical attraction, then it's time to start paying attention to some of the other things, and so a big one is. Sometimes, with that chemical attraction, you are unable to function, like you can't talk to them or your brain doesn't act right. But one of the things that you're going to need to do in a relationship is be able to communicate with each other. It's nice to be able to have an easy, open and honest relationship.

Heather Tessmer 1:56

They need to be able to look at you while you're talking to them, and you need to know that they're listening to you. So often you talk to someone and they are so busy thinking of their reaction that they don't even listen to you. They don't even know what you said because they're just trying to get their comeback ready for you. You need to look in their eyes and make sure that they understand you. They also need to not try to fix everything. You might be just venting. You might just need to be heard by somebody or just get it out. You also need to listen to the way that they talk to you. Are they always talking bad about other people? Well, that's never a good sign, because they might be talking bad about you to other people, and also disagreements are going to happen and you need to be able to fight fair, and so you certainly don't want someone who uses bad names, or you just need to be respectful in the disagreements. One of the things with that I particularly do not like is having to apologize. So I really try not to say things that I'm ever going to have to apologize for in the future.

Being Your Authentic Self

Heather Tessmer 3:18

So the next thing that sometimes can be difficult in a new relationship, or even in an old one, is are you able to be yourself? You want to be open and honest, and you know sometimes you need to let your crazy show, and you need to know that you're safe in that relationship even if you are letting some of that crazy out. You need to make sure that you both have mutual respect and trust. You do need to make sure that you both are able to think for yourselves and you can have your own opinions. You can still get along even though you don't think exactly alike. I mean, your relationship would actually be rather boring if you both thought the same way all the time. It is nice, though, if you're both empathetic to each other. You need to be able to understand why they might think a certain way.

Respect, Time, and Boundaries

Heather Tessmer 4:13

You also need to make sure that he or she is able to accommodate your needs. You might have a different love language than they do, but it doesn't mean that your needs can't be accommodated. Both of you need to recognize that you're each going to have your separate lives and in today's society, typically we both have full-time jobs and then if we have children, that's going to be a third full-time job for both of us. So we need to be respectful and make sure that we understand that those jobs are important to each of us. It's also important that we have shared values. Again, these don't have to be identical, but it does sort of need to be similar, or at the very least you have to be able to respect the differences. You need to make sure that your significant other is able to make time for you. I know that it's very important that I show the respect for my husband that if he is calling in when I'm in the office, if I'm not in front of a judge, I make sure that I pick up that phone if at all possible and if not, then I call him back immediately, even if I know it's not going to be anything significant. It's just a show of respect for me that I make sure he knows he's the most important thing in my life and I will always make time for him.

Heather Tessmer 5:49

You need to make sure that he or she is looking out for you and is considering you in decisions, so he usually golfs every Saturday. Well, when he starts a relationship with you, the considerate thing is to make sure that you're okay with that. I call it being respectful and considerate, and it goes both ways. You need to do the same when you're making plans for the both of you as well, Kind of along the same line. Boundaries need to be respected. There are some things that you will not be comfortable with. There are some things that he or she won't be comfortable with. You both need to feel safe in the relationship and you both need to do your best to make sure that you both feel safe. You also need to make time to have fun. You need to enjoy being together. You need to be able to laugh. You need to make sure you feel good when you're with this other person.

Meeting Family and Friends

Self-Improvement and Positive Outlook

Heather Tessmer 6:47

Another one that I thought hard about putting in here is you would want your significant other to come and meet your family. Even if you're not on the best of terms, you're going to want them to know him or her, and you should want to meet his or her family as well, and it's always good to know where they came from and you can see, kind of, what they've either learned from or had to overcome, and so you will certainly learn a lot if you do meet the parents and the siblings. It's also nice to know if they have lifelong friends, because you know that those friends have stuck around through thick and thin, that those friends have stuck around through thick and thin, and usually if they have friends that have been around a while, you know that they have had to have treated them fairly well and it also is a sign that they are stable. Another good green flag is that they take care of themselves. Do they eat well, exercise dress well, groom themselves well? Are they taking steps to improve themselves? Are they in college? Are they gunning for a promotion? Are they working on their backstroke or whatever? I mean all of these things. It's good to have goals, whatever they might be.

Heather Tessmer 8:21

It's also important your possible significant other not be a pessimist, not always be a downer, not always assume the worst, like if you are unable to text during the day and you don't get a message for eight hours. They don't assume that you're at the bottom of a swimming pool or that you've decided you're calling off the relationship, that they just assume that maybe you're in court all day and can't get to a phone or, obviously, because your phone is off, you aren't getting any messages. So not assuming the worst is always good. And then my last one is that, whoever it is you choose to have in your relationship, it's really helpful if they have enough confidence in themselves to empower you and to give you confidence to make you a better person so that you can just feel good and feel good about being around them. And so I hope you can find someone like that to make you happy and to fulfill you in the perfect relationship.