Do I Need a Protective Order?

Navigating protective orders can be overwhelming—especially when you're dealing with the trauma of abuse. In this episode, I break down what these legal tools can (and can’t) do, how to qualify, and what kind of evidence you’ll need. We’ll talk about their powers, their limits, and why safety planning beyond the courtroom is essential. Whether you're seeking protection or supporting someone who is, this episode gives you the key info to take that next step with confidence.



Disclaimer: This video is for general informational purposes only. It does not constitute legal advice, and it does not create an attorney-client relationship. If you have a specific legal issue, reach out to a qualified attorney in your area.

Transcript

Introduction to Protective Orders

Heather Tessmer 0:04

You are listening to the Ever Argue With A Woman podcast and I am Heather Tessmer. Hi everyone, it's Heather Tessmer again. Today, we are going to talk about protective orders and how do you know when you need one. So I want to go through a few things, because there is actually a fairly high burden to get a protective order, and a lot of people come to us and say they want one when they actually don't have the necessary evidence to get one. So let's just go through some of the basic principles of protective orders. So if you have been a victim of violence, stalking or sexual assault, you can apply for a court order to keep your abuser away from you. You can do this by applying for a protective order, and this can sometimes be done through the police department or the district attorney's office, or if you come to us. A lot of family law attorneys do protective orders. Once you hire a private attorney, though, a lot of the district attorneys will stop and allow your private attorney to handle it for you. There are different kinds of protective orders that are out there, and so we're going to talk about these different scenarios, but let's talk about what a protective order can do for you to keep your abuser away. So one thing for sure they are not going to be allowed to hurt, threaten or harass you or your children, either directly or through other people. So that's what it says on this piece of paper that you're going to get from the court. And the problem is you're getting a piece of paper and if you have a crazy person after you, a piece of paper is not going to stop them. So just be aware that you're protected, but you're not. So you need to still take care of yourself. You need to be ready to call 911. And then, at least with the protective order, they will get arrested. If they break what's ordered, they are going to be ordered to stay away from you. Usually, there is an exact area that they are to stay out of. Typically it's your home, your workplace, your children's school, if there's a daycare, or if your children even have a workplace. They're usually ordered to stay away If they have a protective order. They are not allowed to carry handguns or any kind of gun or have them in their homes. They are not allowed to track or monitor your personal property or your car or any members of your family or household, and they are not, of course, allowed to physically follow you either. The judge can also order that your cell phone be separated from the family plan so he can't track that, or she I'm saying he, but it can go both ways With this protective order, even though it hasn't been pled for with a SAPSER.

Heather Tessmer 3:27

They can order that child support be paid or medical support be paid. They can set terms for visitation with the children. Sometimes a protective order will be ordered to protect you but not the children. A lot of these abusers are only actively abusive with their spouses and not necessarily with the kids. Sometimes that changes, though, when the spouse is no longer there to be beat on. Then sometimes these abusers will turn to the children. So we do have to be very cautious with that. The judge can also order anger management classes, drug testing If it's warranted. They can be ordered to go to treatment centers or programs. They can order that the offender be kicked out of the home.

Getting a Protective Order

Heather Tessmer 4:19

We call that a kick-out order and a lot of these protective orders that we do. We'll go in and get them from the judge before they even know that we're there. We get the kickout order and have the sheriff or police officers go over to your home and order him out of the house and that's what we call a kick out and then he's no longer allowed to come into the home after that. So how do you get a protective order? So with us, you would come to us and tell us he's put his hands on me. I need a protective order. We would gather your evidence, get ready for the hearing. We would need an affidavit from you. We would produce a application for a protective order with an order, and part of that application is your affidavit. We would go in front of a judge. Having you available A lot of this time now we can do this by Zoom.

Heather Tessmer 5:23

The judge is supposed to look at our evidence and our pleadings just on the paperwork only and decide whether or not he or she is going to order that protective order. They tend to be very cautious when it's a kickout and often will ask you to come in and testify that this is all true and as to what's been going on. When it's not a kick-out order, they don't normally expect that. So it just depends on exactly what we're asking for as to how active you will have to be when we go in there and ask for that protective order and then, if it's granted, then we have to take that protective order. We have to go to all of the police stations, sheriff's department, and make sure that they know about it, that we give them a correct description of whoever the protective order is against, and then they are conscious of it, aware of it, and so if you have to call them, they are aware that that protective order is active.

Heather Tessmer 6:30

There are ways to do this yourself. It is kind of involved. So if I wasn't a lawyer, I'm not sure that I would do this by myself. Some of, like I said, the police departments do have people that can help you when you're in an abusive relationship. Sometimes you think this is normal. When it's not, so you have to be strong enough to step outside and realize that this is not a good place for you, and sometimes being beat up once is not enough to realize that, and I know that. But sometimes these police officers don't and sometimes these judges don't. It always helps if you have tangible evidence. So we need pictures, we need video, audio. The more the better, and I also. I have been doing this for so many years that I realized that a lot of the times you also won't call the police, or if you try to call the police, you get beat up worse. So I understand that. But if you do have police reports, sometimes that will also help you get a protective order a little bit easier.

Heather Tessmer 7:50

What happens is then you end up with a protective order that is what we call an ex parte order and these can last up to 20 days order. That is what we call an ex parte order, and these can last up to 20 days. Typically, when we go in and get this order, the judge is going to set a hearing within those 20 days and so we're going to have to come back and you are going to have to be in a courtroom with your abuser and you are going to have to testify against them and you're going to have to show your evidence to the judge and then the judge is going to make a decision whether or not a regular protective order gets put in place or not, and this regular protective order can last two years and then for some offenses it can actually be a lifetime protective order. They start with the two-year protective order and then if something happens, like if they break the protective order or if it's for the certain, like for sexual assault, then they can get the lifetime protective orders.

Evidence You Need

Heather Tessmer 8:50

So what kind of people can you get a protective order against? So anybody that's related to you by blood. Anyone that you are currently living with or that you have lived with in the past. Anyone that you have had a child with. Anyone that you are currently married to or have been divorced from. Anyone that you currently have or have had a dating relationship with. Someone you have had a third-party relationship with because of your prior dating relationship or marriage to. Someone currently dating or married to that person. And someone who has been stalking you or who has sexually assaulted you or, if God forbid, anybody has trafficked you.

Heather Tessmer 9:42

So the laws changed, actually fairly recently, and so for a protective order, all the law requires is that you prove that family violence has occurred. So it used to be. You also had to prove that it's likely to occur in the future. That's no longer required. So it's easier for the victims to get a protective order, and you don't have to show that you're scared that it'll happen again, because a lot of the times you would get a protective order. You kick him out of the house. Well, now he's no longer around. So what are you scared of? Obviously, he's not going to be able to get to you, so it's not likely to occur in the future. So you really don't need a protective order as long as he's ordered out of the house, right Wrong. These protective orders actually do help, and some of these people who tend to be abusers also tend to be little chicken shits and so once they're ordered to stay away from you, they sometimes will, unless they're the psychopathic type, all right.

Heather Tessmer 10:55

So I'm going to just list out some evidence that might commonly be helpful if you are going to do a protective order application. So if you have any of this, it's great. If you don't, if something ever happens to you again, maybe you can get it. Happens to you again, maybe you can get it. So, obviously, police reports. Or if you don't have the report, then whatever the case number is, so that your attorney can get it for you. If you've not made a police report, you can always make one, even though it's after the fact, but usually it's more helpful if it's done fairly close to the actual incident.

Heather Tessmer 11:41

Any photos of your injuries, any copies of electronic communications between you and the person you are filing against. A lot of the times these people will have remorse and they will say I'm so sorry and I didn't mean to do it, or anything like that, that you can get out of them, will say I'm so sorry and I didn't mean to do it, or anything like that, that you can get out of them Any letters you received from them, any video or audio recordings that you might have, obviously a current address if they're not actually living with you, and any identification that you might know or have for them. So protective orders are not automatic and we've had some that we were sure we were going to get be turned down. So when you go in for a protective order, it's kind of like poking the bear. You really want to make sure that you're going to get it, because you're just going to piss these people off even more and if there's nothing stopping them from coming at you, they might come at you even worse. So we really will push to make sure that you're able to get up there on the stand and testify to these things and that we have the best evidence that we can to go after them. Also, some counties do have victims advocates that will help. So if you don't use a private attorney, these victims advocates will help interview you, gather the information, the evidence, and get you ready to testify, just as a private attorney might.

Timeline and Court Process

Heather Tessmer 13:12

How long does it take to get a protective order? I think it just depends on who you're using. So if you go through a police department or the district attorney's office, they might be able to do a quick turnaround, depending on who's available, what people they have on staff, what kind of busyness they're having for that day. If you come to a personal like a family law attorney, it's going to depend on same kind of stuff how many attorneys are available to draft. How long is it going to take you to turn around your affidavit? We're going to need your story. You're going to have to write it down, so you might as well start Even if you aren't ready to come now. Let's get your story down on paper so that it's ready when you're ready.

Heather Tessmer 14:05

So we want to know for a protective order the first time that abuse happened and tell us the history up until the latest incident so that we'll be ready to go. And then usually your attorney will then edit it to make sure that it's the best that it can possibly be, as we attach it to our application for the protective order, because it's your testimony that this is going to turn on. When we go in there for the ex parte protective order, you are going to have to go to court, you are going to have to be able to testify in front of your abuser, and it's the best evidence that we have to continue the protective order. Lifetime final protective orders can be given for sexual assault, stalking and human trafficking, but usually they're given for a two-year period and for the first time that's usually when the protective orders start.

Heather Tessmer 15:07

It also takes time, so most attorneys bill by the hour and so the more organized you are, the more ready you are.

Final Advice and Closing Thoughts

Heather Tessmer 15:23

The more organized you are, the more ready you are.

Heather Tessmer 15:25

The more evidence that you have when you come in to consult with the attorneys for this protective order, the easier it will be to prepare your application for protective order, meaning the less attorney time it will take to create.

Heather Tessmer 15:37

So keep that in mind and so, as you get ready for this protective order, have everything organized and ready to go and have your story ready and so we can get your affidavit together and if that's the case, it may be a matter of hours and we would be able to get your protective order before a judge. Typically we do need to do it during regular working hours. Every once in a while there might be a judge available after hours, but it's asking a big favor to bug a judge after hours. So typically we tell most of our clients that if something's happening after hours, call 911, get the police involved, and if you have somebody that's an abuser, don't be scared to call 911. It's okay and that's what they're there for and you need to protect yourself. So let us know if you're ready for a protective order. And that's it for today and see you next time.